Would you have kids and raise them in "this" world?

I have been thinking a lot lately.. Ever since I knew and experienced how the real world works... Murder... Corruption.. Pollution.. Discrimination.... Wars.. Pandemic diseases... Epidemic diseases...Global warming *sigh* ...

Those who are too naive... and too ignorant too see and notice these things are prone to have many big surprises through life for they have never think about the future...and whats coming their way....

I used to say... " Im gonna get married and have as many children as I can... "

And then I said " Im gonna get married... and have children according to my financial stability... more money .. more kids.. less money .. less kids" ...

Now I say " I wanna get married ... but I dont want to have kids... "

Why do I say this?

Its not because I hate kids.. I love kids.... I wanna have boys and girls..... and I wanna pick names.. I wanna teach them languages... I wanna teach them my culture and tradition.. I wanna raise them in a Catholic way.... I wanna play soccer with them... and I would surely want to see them succeed in life and evaluate how well have I raised them....

Buy like I said.. considering the fact that this world is never ever gonna be the same again ... with wars being fought everywhere around the world.. global warming issue... pollution.. Is this the the world u want to raise ur kids in? Would it be wise? Would they grow up according to plan with all this bad influences coming from their surroundings?......

I know what you are going to say next..

"Its our destiny to have kids.. Its our responsibility..... It would be selfish to have all the riches in the world but only have it to yourself.. instead of sharing it with a wife... or kids.. plus... Religion wise... It is said in the bible that we are here to multiply and populate the world... It is our calling... Take this challenge and grow... "

But wouldnt it be much more fulfilling and much more charitable to raise homeless orphans?Give them food,shelter and love for they are unwanted by their biological parents? Dont u think we would get more bLessings/Gratia from above if we did this?

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To have or not to have? That is the question to ask..

P/S: It would be nice to have a lil girl or boi.. running around carrying my genetics... :P

Lin si lin yong!!!!! Hi sei lah!!!

Have u ever met a person that would never admit that he/she lost a conversation with you? They always wanna win no matter what. Even if u manage to prove that they are wrong, they stiLL wont admit the lost.. and at every topic of conversation ur having ... he or she wiLL start his sentence with.. "Kalau SAYA... " .. or "Kalau KAWAN SAYA..." .. "kalau ADIK SAYA,KAKAK SAYA, ABANG SAYA... BAPA SAYA ... MAMA SAYA .. UNCLE SAYA " ... Pendek kata... EVERYTHING IS ABOUT THEM... AND THEY WIN IN EVERYTHING....

Contoh perbualan:NEUTRAL: Bola itu bulat.Si Bodoh yg sombong: Tidak .. boLa itu tidak buLat.. boLa itu segi empatKesimpulan: they know they are wrong but they wont admit it.. Just a simple conversation to give you the idea what Im trying to tell u...

For a much complicated sample check this outNeutral: Punya panas tu aircon... berpeluh2 sy dalam keretaSi Bodoh Yang Sombong : Mana ada panas tu.. Sejuk pun tu tadi sa cuba...(Lalu dia pun pergi menghidupkan kereta dan ternyata aircon kereta itu rosak dan panas... dia langsung puLang ke rumah kerana terlalu maLu dengan kebodohannya)

I know some people who are naturally born this way and we categorize them as ...well actually we dont know what to call them coz they can be a pain in the arse .. the thing is .. they are not aware of this .. and it itches me to say it to their face .. A little something like this...... "Ei geng... Kanapa ba gaya kau begini ni ? kenapa ba kau nda pandai kalah ni? Kurang ka baras mama kau kalau kau kalah satu kaLi??? Suda ampai2 kau tidak dapat lawan urang punya ckp kau masi mau manang.. dari mana ba kau balajar gaya kau begini ni??? Coz as far as I know ... Mama Bapa kau urang baik2 owh.. very down to earth.. and here you are taLking about what u know and what u have .. being conceited ... being cocky ..and being vain ... Sa lama suda mau ckp sama kau ba ni.. tapi sa sabarrrrrr sja .. apa maciam la gelfren/boyfren kau tahan sama kau ni?? ... Suda la tinggi diri... cakap besar.... kalau pun ko kaya. kalau pun ko pandai.. jangan la ba tayang2 .. urang sendiri buLi nampak ba ... Are u aware that you are being isolated by your frens.. your family? Kalau kau start beckp.. urang sekeliling kau satu2 pusing trus jalan.. pura2 pgi tandas.. pagi makan?? Ko sedarkah?????"

If I had the guts.. That is what I would say to this handfull of people who are not aware that they are irritating and annoying ALLLLLLLLLLL the time.. To judge a friend is the last thing I would do..Coz i was taught to accept a friend just the way they are.... Tapi kalau begini punya haL .. Kita tidak buLi kasi biar suda.. kita mesti ckp terus terang sama durang .. sebab kalau kita simpan dalam hati.. nanti kita sendiri jadi sot... coz as a friend.. it is our responsible to stop this agony from growing.. jangan sampai durang didik anak durang with this way.. which is to KASI BESAR DIRI durang d depan urang lain... We dont want a community that talk big.. but we want a community that is down to earth and humble... Urang tua2 ckp " Biar diam asal penuh.. jangan bising tapi kosong"....

Tapi sayang sekali.. Its not our nature to tell it to their face... So what can we do?? NOTHING.. We gonna have to learn how to ignore them.. and just let them be cocky.. arrogant...vain .. conceited... etc... etc... SENDIRI MAU PIKIR LA GENG!!!!!! Itu umpama cerita dongeng raja yang telanjang.. rakyat nampak dia bogel.. tapi rakyat tidak brani kasi pakai dia baju .. abis takut dia maLu.. jadi dia kana kasi biar sja talanjang sampai dia mati...

I know there's no point of me typing this down because it wont change anything.. but.. Im bored.. and I've been having this on my mind for a Longgggggg time now.. and .. its good to finally take it out of me..

Friends? Acquaintance? or none what-so-ever?

Sorry. I have to post this.

I know some people that I thought were friends of mine but for some reason they just seem to ignore me and I dont know if its only me who think this way, they are avoiding me most of the time.

I added them on facebook, Yahoo Messenger and MSN Messenger. They approved me but when I sent them a msg through any of these three, no reply at all.

I am dead confused.....Should I care? Should I ignore them..or... *sigh* .. I dont know what to say or do.....

I tried ignoring them most of the time... I deleted them from my list.. I dont send any msgs whatsoever to further humiliate myself........ BUT.... when I see them outside(of the Internet World) .. at the club... in town or on the streets.... they act like they like me...and wants to be friends with me.. they talk to me..etc etc...but I can see it in their eyes and in their smile.... that they are not as sincere as they were before the first time we met...... FAKE smiles.. and eyes are not set at u...

I know I made some mistakes...and I apologized to every single one of them... But I guess they arent the type who forgive and forget..... I just hope they say it to my face... that they are uncomfortable whenever I am around.. that I ruin the fun ..I can always stay out of their way..

Sampai sa yang terhegeh² mau pgi greet diorang.. Say hi... Tanya khabar... .... :( I know .. its not wrong to lower ur ego.. stoop down and try to make friends with people who despises u... but .. there's a limit to how low I can bring my ego down.... I wish I can give up and just spit at their face whenever i see them and give them the middle finger.. But I cant ... I just cant..

And during this lent... I just want to forgive myself... and forgive them... "forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sins against us" ... A nun once told me.. "Forgive and forget .. and if they dont forgive you.. they wiLL be haunted by their own grudge and vengeance for the rest of their life" .... One more thing " To fuck is human..to forgive is devine..... Open confession ni....

So I hope.. u wiLL hate me less in the future....coz I started off with wrong foot... lets just start all over again....

"Hi ... My name is Velarry... but ppL caLL me yEyE.... I have a big mouth.. but i am now learning to keep it low.... so if u used to know me as this guy with a big mouth.. please dont be puzzled with the silence"

Life is beautiful when it ends with purity..

It was a few months ago when my adopted bro broke the news to us.. that Judith (his wife) was havin complications with her pregnancy.Unfortunately her baby had "her" brain growing abnormally outside of "her" skull. It wasnt long after when "she" was mature enough to be operated out of "her" mother's womb.

03/04/09. 3pm. The baby was safely taken out via C-section. The doctor predicted that she could only survive 3 hours. Fr.Nicholas was there to baptist her. Angelica was her Christian name.

06/04/09 11.30am. I was polishing my car when my bro signalled the passing of baby Angelica. She was one tough little girl. She managed to prove the doctors wrong whn she lived a 3 days life instead of 3 hours as predicted. It was trully a sign of determination and the will to survive.

We escorted her back to Tuaran for her funeral. It had to be done on the same day because of some strong beliefs that we still have in our culture. We had our prayers and waited a while for the rain to pour less.

Her small Crucifix and her small umbrella. :) . And for some unknown reason, me and some other friends were able to smell incents in the air, which is impossible because it was raining cats and dogs at the cemetery. I believe that it was a good sign. It was and emotional evening for us.... My eldest bro who is as cold as ice cried like a baby as told by mom "He never cried like this before" ....






After the funeral.. I went home ... and as soon as I got into the house,mom asked me... "Did u feel anything strange on the way home?" ....I said "No" .. thats when she showed me a pretty butterfly the size of my palm on the wall...... :'( .... Again .. it shows.. that she is somewhere up there.... smilling.. as an angel... [ According to our traditional beliefs.. a butterfly that shows up in ur house is a sign that somebody wiLL be visiting soon.. and I would like to believe that it was her... :) ]

Rest in Peace Angelica.
03/04/09 - 06/04/09